2.11.2011

Our Untold Story

Since my babies’ (can’t I always call them babies?) second birthday is tomorrow – actually in just a few short hours, I have been reflecting on the last 2 1/2 year of this little life of ours.  You see about 2 1/2 years ago was a day I will never forget and included the happiest moment of my life - up until that point anyway.  It was the day I found out I was pregnant.  I was at home.  Nick was in the living room.  I peed on a stick (Yes, I cheated and did a home pregnancy test the day before my doctors’ appointment…just couldn’t help myself!)  I think I took a short moment to myself before running and giving Nick the news.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember the feeling of complete joy and deepest gratitude to God for allowing this new life (or lives – we transferred 2 embryos with our IVF cycle) to grow inside of me.  It was like He had lifted all the pain, sorrow, worry, and anger of the last several years with one little plus sign on a stick.  I suppose that this feeling is pretty common for women finding out they’re pregnant who have struggled with infertility. 

*Side Note:  Throughout our pregnancy and even still today, we have consistently prayed that God be glorified through our kids’ lives.  I’ve never shared this before (on this blog – our family and close friends already know), but I feel led to because I believe it is a true testament of our Father’s work.   I feel its too powerful not to share. 

So we’re happy and pregnant.  At our 6 week appointment, we had an ultrasound to find out how many hearts were beating inside of me.  Again, we did IVF and transferred only two embryos so we did have a higher chance of being pregnant with twins.  Well we were.  To think that I was unsure if we ever were going to have any kids at all and now we will have 2? Thank you Lord.  Thank you. 

Two weeks later, we go in for a routine ultrasound to check on our little baby A and baby B, as the docs like to call them, only to find out that there is now a baby C and a baby D.  Four heartbeats. Four strong heartbeats.  Wow!  How could this happen?  We only transferred two embryos.  The doctors explained how one embryo split twice and we were pregnant with “identical triplets plus one.” The next 30 minutes to an hour were spent with our doctor explaining how extremely risky this pregnancy would be and the likely outcomes were not good….not good at all.  At this point, we were advised to reduce our pregnancy in order to have the best outcome possible.   We informed the doctor of our position on selective reduction and abortion…absolutely no way so “what do we do now?”    I would have to come back next week (this appointment was on a Friday) to meet with a Maternal Fetal Specialist and would continue to be monitored by one throughout my entire pregnancy. 

So we left there very scared and very overwhelmed.  We spoke to our parents together.   We prayed.   We trusted HIM.  We were going to be okay.  

Next appointment…an ultrasound with a MF doctor.  Our parents were in the waiting room for support.   He didn’t say anything during the ultrasound, but afterwards asked us to meet him in the conference room.   He began by telling us that he was 85% sure that baby C and D were conjoined.  He would know for certain in a couple of weeks because the babies would be bigger and he could get a clearer picture.  If they were conjoined, the chances of them surviving even if I did carry far enough were slim.  The chances of me carrying far enough were slim.  He went over everything with us first, then I asked him to bring our parents in to tell them the news.

The next two weeks were the longest, hardest, most trying, most soul defining two weeks of my entire life.  Hands down.  This news brought me to my knees.  It knocked me down…mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I would try to go to work but then come home only after a couple of hours.  I couldn’t function.  Our situation just seemed SO impossible to me.  I remember watching a documentary on conjoined twins…it just happened to be on TV that week – coincidence? I think not!  But I remember being so terrified of these sweet innocent girls and thinking, how could I be a mom to conjoined twins? I became so hurt, so angry towards God.  I remember thinking, I only wanted ONE baby God…that’s all I asked.   Why can’t I just have a normal healthy pregnancy – you’ve made me wait for so long.  Although I am not proud of it, I wavered in my faith.  For part of those two weeks, I began not trusting HIM and began questioning whether selective reduction was the answer, if I can save one or even two of my babies and the others probably won’t make it anyway.  Man, Satan was really having his way with me!  But I NEVER was at peace with the thought of that.  NEVER.  And I know the Lord has forgiven me for those thoughts.  Have I mentioned how much I love my husband?  And how I am so thankful for him.  He was so strong for me.  He never wavered.  He reminded me that God is the answer.  We need to seek HIM.  So that’s what we did. 

On the morning of our next appointment, we woke up and just laid in bed for awhile.  I had an overwhelming sense of peace.  I turned to Nick and said  “they’re not conjoined.”  He said “what?”  I said “Our babies are NOT conjoined.”  He let it drop…I think even though he had been so faithful, he had already come to terms that we were going to have conjoined twins plus two more and that God would just help us through it all.  

Ultrasound begins.  Nick and I watched  very intensely, counting every heartbeat fluttering on the screen.  One…two…three…four.  Thank you Lord.  You could hear a pin drop in that room.  The doctor and the tech were studying each baby so closely.  Then I heard it.  I heard the doctor and I will never forget these words as long as I live, “Hmmmm….it looks as though we’ve made a mistake.”  I didn’t have to ask him to repeat it.  I already knew.  Nick held me as I giggled through my tears.  We didn’t get to celebrate to long because the doctor quickly reminded us that this situation, although better, still was not “good.”  I don’t know if I heard anything he said after that.  All I heard was God telling me.  “See Kami.   Trust me.  I am in control.  Not you.  I will take care of you.  Trust me.  I love you.”

That’s when we did our homework, God led us to a doctor we were comfortable with and obviously more confident (yet realistic) in caring for me and my pregnancy.  We moved to Phoenix to be cared for and have the babies and as they say, the rest is history.

I tell this story not because we ended up with four healthy babies(although we did.) I tell this story not because God answered our prayer and the prayers of many (although He did.)  I tell this story because I want to praise Him.  I want to glorify Him.  And He is worthy.

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“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  Psalm 139:13-14

Love,
Kami

12 comments:

Amy-Jo said...

I love you so much Kami and your entire family. I needed to read all of that and through my tears my heart just loves you even more. Happy Birthday to all of you but especially to your sweet beautiful babies.

Stephanie said...

Thank you so much for sharing this story! I have been follwing you for a while, but its always good to hear the whole background!
So glad HE was there for you and gave you those 4 precious babies!!

Emma said...

Praise God indeed, His way is always perfect. And a happy birthday to Sloan, Rocco, Madden and Jagger!! I'm struggling to believe they're already 2 years old - I've followed the blog right from when you were pregnant.

Prayers certainly work and all glory to God for that!!

Love and blessings,
E x

waiting said...

Oh, our God is so good! And your babies are so beautiful! And I am so glad that God decided to give us our miracles so close to each other. God was in the miracle handing out business in that MONTH! :) The babies are gorgeous and healthy, and God is so good! Happy Birthday Sloan, Rocco, Madden and Jagger!

Billy Graf said...

What an incredible post. Happy Birthday to the Lambes!!!!

Bret and Heather said...

Tears Kami Tears! Love this post and how you poured it all out. It is SO GOOD to be still and reflect on the amazing things He has done in our lives and the lessons we learn through them. Ugh! Such a tear-kerker! Happy Birthday to those sweet sweet babies and happy BIRTHday to you, wish I could hug your neck right now!

Love You Momma!

Moni Graf said...

Absoluting AMAZING. I loved reading your story and it gave me goosebumps. He knew what He was doing all along....and now, not only do you have 4 beautifully perfect babies, but I have found one of the best friends anyone could ask for through our similar situations. Praise the Lerd!

Love you! Happy birthday to the Lambe Miracles!

Moni

ottszoo said...

amazing testimony! You, Nick, and those precious babies have such a wonderful story to tell. A story full of miracles. It is such a blessing to know that our struggles don't diminish our faith, they point to our Savior! It has been such a joy watching these little lambes grow up in front of our eyes on this blog and at church.

tessa said...

I've followed you from your pregnancy days and appreciate you sharing your family. I was blessed during a high risk multiple pregnancy too and learned some of those trust in God lessons too. It was a hard but so worth it. Thank you for sharing of yourself and your faith.

Jennie said...

What a testimony Kami! Our God is so good! As I was reading that, I was amening right along with you! :) Hearing your faith, it's no doubt He had amazing things in store for you and your family! Thanks for sharing!

Pavithra said...

Hi Kami..I have been following your blog for over a year now but never really commented...thanks for sharing this story...Your faith in HIM is inspiring ! Happt Birthday to all your babies :)

Monica Shattuck said...

Kami...I too have been following your blog since shortly after your four miracles were born and you have never ceased to entertain or amaze me with your posts. But this...this "untold story" is truly a beautiful thing to read. Bless you and Nick and those four babies, yes babies (mine are 10 and 8 and STILL my babies)for reminding us all of the power of faith.

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